Reasons Why Sibling Abuse Has Not Received Attention

 If sibling abuse is such a big deal, and if it’s so common, how come you’ve never heard about it? I often ask myself the same question. It makes me furious that nobody has mentioned this issue before, because it’s so widespread. I have seen inappropriate, unacceptable mistreatment of one sibling by another in many families I’ve come across, and I’m not talking about sibling rivalry. I have seen incidents where one sibling is clearly abusing another, and nobody around them gives a damn. To date, I have never seen any news stories, magazine articles, or television talk show hosts discuss sibling abuse. What’s more, it’s only been thoroughly researched within the last decade. What gives? Why don’t people care? Well, I’ve come up with a few theories. There are several reasons why sibling abuse has not received the attention it deserves until now.

1. Children Don’t Have a Voice: Spokespeople are the reason behind any issue’s publicity. Just ask Sarah McLachlan, Animal Cruelty Spokesperson Extraordinaire. Children cannot make tear-jerking commercials for national television. They also can’t sign petitions, file lawsuits, press charges, write books, or tell their life stories on Oprah. Adults can, and are taken more seriously to boot. Children have close to no power, which renders them incapable of making others aware of their problems.

2. “Just Children”: Adults and children are held to different moral standards. Parent-child abuse has received a lot more attention than has sibling abuse for this reason. Often, people see a parent hitting a child as cruel, but a child hitting a sibling as harmless. The recent development of anti-bullying measures in schools is another testament to this fact. “Kids will be kids” was the reigning mentality a few decades ago, and still exists somewhat today. People will often think nothing of a sister calling her brother “Loser,” but will be horrified if they hear a parent saying the same to a child.  

3. Confusion with Sibling Rivalry: Siblings fight. This is a fact we have known for millennia. The problem is that normal sibling behavior involves many of the same actions as sibling abuse. Sibling rivalry throws a wrench into sibling abuse prevention. Other social justice issues are simpler. Equality for homosexuals often involves showing up to the voting booth and checking off the right box. Ending sibling abuse calls for far more than just a “yes” or “no” on a ballot.  It is a complex issue that requires distinguishing between it and normal sibling behavior. Unfortunately, we love simple issues. When issues get complicated, we tend to not give them much attention.

4. Out of Sight, Out of Mind:  While I have certainly seen a fair amount of emotional abuse taking place in broad daylight, many of the more severe forms of abuse take place behind closed doors. Because we don't see physical or sexual abuse, it's easy to ignore them.  

5. “Oldest Children Are Better”:  Ah, here’s something that will bring any lastborn child’s blood to the boiling point. This is what I like to call the Birth Order Bias. This belief may be unfamiliar to some of you, but don’t worry; I’ll talk about it in depth later. For now, just be aware that there is a firmly held belief in many cultures that firstborn children are “better” than lastborn children. For younger siblings who have been abused, this bias carries a particular sting. Sibling abuse is often carried out older sibling to younger sibling. Admitting the existence of sibling abuse runs counter to this belief. If we were to recognize sibling abuse, it would mean giving up the firmly held belief that eldest children are better, and we can’t have that.

6. More Pressure for Parents: To admit that sibling abuse is a serious issue would mean increasing the burden for parents. It can be overwhelming for parents to think that they are responsible for ending the bullying they see in their homes. It's far easier to deny that the emotional abuse has any impact. The more children one has, the harder it is to prevent abuse. This factor was especially true when the average family size was three children.