So
now that I've got this blog rolling, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty issue:
what exactly is sibling abuse? Researchers disagree on an exact definition, but
it can be broadly defined as the “physical, emotional, or sexual abuse of one
sibling by another.”But
how, exactly, can we put this definition into practice?
We
can all agree that there is no excuse for physical or sexual abuse. Emotional abuse is not as clear-cut. Parents know that it can be hard at times to ascertain which
sibling is being picked on and which is doing the picking. Being able
to define sibling abuse requires an ability to distinguish abuse from rivalry. Different researchers have come up with different strategies for making this distinction. Doctor Vernon Wiehe, a professor of social work at the University of Kentucky, is a prominent researcher of sibling abuse and has developed a system for ascertaining if a situation is abusive. His method is available here. He has some intriguing theories as to why siblings become abusive and what parents can do to prevent abuse.
Systems such as Wiehe's can be a bit complicated and hard to follow. So I have developed my own system for ascertaining if a situation is abusive. I call it: Four Red Flags of Sibling Abuse
Here’s a breakdown:
- Their roles are rigid. One sibling is always the victim; the other is always the aggressor.
- One sibling is frightened of the other
- The aggressor's main objective is to get a thrill from the behavior (rather than to retaliate, express a frustration, compete, etc.)
- One sibling consistently attacks with no provocation
If parents notice one or all of these signs, they are dealing with sibling abuse. Once they have found out about it, they must do everything in their power to stop it. This means educating themselves, finding resources, and practicing different methods until they have successfully eradicated bullying from their homes. I hope my blog will point them in the right direction.
Happy belated New Year everybody!
Before the end of 2012, NBC news did a “sum up” story where they wrote a
humorous article on twelve stories that had, well…obvious conclusions. Here’s
a link to the article. If you glance at it for a few seconds, you can see such
enlightening titles as “People with more experience make better decisions” (No,
really?). Scroll down to the bottom. You’ll see another insightful article.
It’s called “Screaming at your child is harmful to your child.” This is meant
to elicit another chuckle from you. Of
course screaming at your child isn’t good for her. Who doesn’t know that? But not so fast. There is one condition where
this conclusion is not so obvious. That is when it is a sibling doing the
abusing.
A lot of people are quick to say
that a parent should not scream at their child, but not a lot of people rise up
in righteous anger when a sibling does the same thing for the same reason. In
my previous entry, I shared the statistic that sibling abuse is more common
than parent-child abuse. However, parent-child abuse receives a lot more scorn
and attention. We care so much about
the way a parent treats her child, and turn a blind eye to the way a child
treats his sibling. When we overhear a parent mistreating his or her child, we
are supposed to be justifiably horrified. When a sibling is similarly abusive,
we’re expected to shrug our shoulders. It’s
as if the mistreatment that siblings face is invisible, or worse, acceptable.
Abuse committed by any person,
parent or child, is unacceptable and harmful. We don’t need research to tell us
that. Actually, my blog’s theme is akin to many of the titles of those
articles: no duh it’s harmful for
children to be abused. It’s somewhat baffling that this blog should even exist.
Why must I declare war on something that any person with a modicum of common
sense knows is bad? I’ll also mention that this study was placed last, as a
sort of “grand finale” for the list. Of all the obvious-ness explored in these
topics, the fact that abuse is harmful should be the most obvious of all.
Ironically, this message is not always
obvious to people. When it is a sibling doing the abusing, society silences its
voice and turns a blind eye. That needs to change. The mentality society should
adapt is that any person—including a
sibling—who is abusing a child is doing harm to that child. No duh.
Any person who pays attention to
current affairs will notice that the world is in terrible shape. Gun violence.
The fiscal cliff. Debt ceiling increases. The planet’s heading for almost
certain ecological disaster. The divorce rate. Cyberbullying. The culture of entitlement.
Medicare. Overpopulation. Autism. Obesity. Racism. Consumerism. Objectification of women
in the media. The situation in the Middle East. The United States’ superpower status.
Sweatshop labor. Income inequality. Starving children in Africa.
And
that’s it, right?
No.
Not even close.
I’m assuming most of you know there
are controversies out there equally as important as the ones mentioned above
that don’t get the attention they deserve. Heck, if I were to list every
important issue in the world, I could probably type here for the rest of my
life and still not cover each one. However, there is one topic especially
important to me (as to every blogger) that I am SHOCKED has not received the
attention it deserves, as this problem
affects nearly every family in America. That issue is sibling abuse.
Sibling abuse is one of the most common
forms of abuse and is more common than parent-child abuse or spouse
abuse. Yet few parents are fully aware of it, only recently has
it been thoroughly researched, and our society definitely does not recognize it
as the social injustice it is. The time is long due for that to change. Society
has shown its commitment to fighting problems by declaring war on them. There has been a war on terror, a war on
drugs, a war on crime, and a war on poverty. Today, I am declaring a war on
sibling abuse.
